The ABC's of Tony Stark
by SkysFireLady15
Summary: I think the title describes it pretty well. *Now including one-shots!*
1. The ABC's

**So, I was planning to post the first chapter of my new Avengers story, but this plot bunny was way to cute to ignore! I might end up writing one shots for a few of these, but I dunno. The word that matches with the letter will be in bold. So, enjoy my first Avengers' fanfic! (UPDATED)**

**Disclaimer: I, sadly, do not own the Avengers. Marvel does. Yup. The plot's mine! Yay…**

A-The **Avengers **Tower-Probably the worst, or maybe best, idea he's had

B-He loves to drive people **batty**

C-He **cares**. Deep down, he really does **care**

D- Name on time he hasn't ended the day **drunk**

E-**Ego**. Tony has the biggest **ego** in the history of **egos**

F-The Arc Reactor makes a great **flashlight**

G-**Guilt **he still feels for the death of Yinsen

H-**Himself**. He loves **himself**

I-He loves to try and **infuriate **Bruce to see the Other Guy

J- How he's able to **juggle **all his holographic images

K-He still has nightmares about his **kidnapping**

L-He loves pissing off **Loki**

M-Tony loves _spending _his **money**

N-**Nightmares **still plague him every night

O-The thousands of **oilcloths **lying around the common room, covered in Arc Reactor grossness

P-The one thing he loves most is **Pepper**

Q-He never **quits **at anything, whether it be a new invention, or getting the team do to something stupid he came up with

R-He loves his **robots**. Even the ones he yells at

S-He loves being **science bros **with Bruce

T-He loves stealing **Thor's** poptarts

U-How **unlawful** he is about snooping in other people's business

V-Booby trapping the air **vents **to prevent Clint and Natasha from using them to get around the tower

W-The **warpath **he goes on when someone breaches his firewalls

X-Everyone knows Tony is **X-rated**.

Y-Even when he **yells **at Dummy, he still loves him

Z-That one disastrous trip to the **zoo**

**I had a lot of trouble with the last ones. Those are hard letters… so review!**


	2. Letter F

**So, I decided to make one-shots! YAY! :D Also, letter X has been updated in chapter one. I'm not going in order, just doing which ever one I feel like doing… lol**

**Disclaimer: If Avengers were mine, Coulson would've never died…. And everyone would live happily ever after in the Avengers Tower….. Maybe… Anyway, Avengers if NOT mine… sad**

F-The Arc Reactor makes a great flashlight

The Avengers stared at the abandoned mine tunnel in front of them. No one wanted to be the one who went first. Suddenly, Clint shoved Tony in front of him. The billionaire lurched forward, stumbling, then righted himself and let out a nervous chuckle.

"I'm so honored that you guys trust me enough to go first!" he said, placing a hand on his chest.

"Nah, it's not that," Clint said with a smirk. "The arc reactor makes a great flashlight."

**Short and sweet, right? The others will be longer, promise!**


	3. Letter V

**Ooh, what's this? Sky updating so soon? Is the sky falling? Haha nope! Just me being nice! :D See, I do love you guys! And thanks to all who added this to their favorites, reviewed, and followed! You guys make me smile and want to write more! So, keep adding to favorites/reviewing/following!**

**Disclaimer: **

**Sky: Oh here we go again. Clint, would you do the honors?**

***Clint sulks in a corner, covered in slime.***

**Sky: Oh come on! Please?**

**Clint: *Through gritted teeth* SkysFireLady15 doesn't own the Avengers. **

V-Booby trapping the air ventsto prevent Clint and Natasha from using them to get around the tower

Tony gritted his teeth as he watched Clint and Natasha drop from the air vents into the kitchen, landing on a counter. Clint then walked over to the stove to begin making breakfast for the group while Natasha replaced the vent cover.

"Why can't they use the hallways like normal people?" he muttered to Bruce who was sitting next to him, staring in hatred towards the two assassins.

"Clint and Natasha aren't normal people," Bruce muttered back, taking a sip of his decaf coffee. "And if you hate it so much, why don't you find way to stop them?" Tony froze, then slowly turned his head to face his science bro (as the others in the Tower affectionately called them).

"Bruce, you're amazing! I'd call you a genius, but I'm in the room!" he cried, grabbing the poor doctor's arm and dragging him towards the elevator, spilling Bruce's coffee in the process.

"Where are you two going?" Steve asked, confused.

"Indeed friends! The Hawk has yet to complete our feast!" Thor thundered.

"Science!" Tony cried from the hall leading to the elevator. The rest of the team just shook their heads, they had long given up trying to understand the billionaire.

~Break Line whooooooo :D~

After of three hours of scheming and building, Tony was ready. After sending the doctor off to his task of distracting the assassins with new weapons testing in the firing range and rounding up several R&D people (this _was_ the Stark Tower after all!), he set to work booby trapping the air vents. He assigned each person a section of the tower that the two S.H.E.I.L.D agents used the most, and the ones they used occasionally, just in case.

After being informed by JARVIS that Bruce, Clint and Natasha were almost finished with the weapons testing. He quickly finished the trap he was working on and sent the R&D workers back to their floor. He rushed back to the lab to observe the festivities from the night vision cameras he installed into the vents. Motion sensors tracked their progress through the vents, and would also tell him where they would enter, though he assumed they would enter through the vent in the firing range. He was just settling down with a large bowl of popcorn when a red blip appeared on the holographic map of the air vents, right above the firing range. He grinned widely. They would soon be approaching trap #1. The lab door opened with a hiss as Bruce entered.

"Grab some popcorn!" he called to the doctor, who hesitated, then filled a bowl, sitting next to his friend. "They're approaching trap 1," Tony told him around a mouthful of popcorn, Bruce looking sick as popcorn bits sprayed everywhere. Two shadows appeared on the screen as the assassins approached trap 1. Tony grinned when he saw that Natasha ahead of Clint in the vent.

"What's trap #1?" Bruce suddenly asked. Tony paused, thinking.

"I'm not sure, really. I didn't do that one. One of the R&D people did it." Right as he finished, something thick and gooey splattered the assassins. "Slime!" he shrieked happily. "JARVIS, who set that trap? Give them a raise! Or a promotion. Either one is good with me."

"Of course, sir," the automated butler replied.

"Uh, Tony?" Bruce's concerned voice drew his attention back to the screen. When his eyes rested on the holographic screen, he let out a shriek. Natasha's slime covered face filled the screen, hate burning in her eyes.

"Run and hide, Stark. Run and hide," she mouthed. Tony gulped, suddenly wishing he hadn't learned to read lips.

"JARVIS, prepare the safe room," he breathed, making a break for the door. He suddenly paused outside the lab, an evil grin spreading over his face. He then took off to his safe room, taking a route that took him past several booby traps. If he was going to die, he might as well make it hard for them to reach him!

**Yes, no, maybe so? :) Reviews get cookies! Oh, and did anyone catch the Doctor Who reference? ;)**


	4. Letter T

**I feel really bad because it's taken me so long to post. I was out of school for two months because of surgery and now that I'm back in school I have sooo much work to do! And SATs are coming up and I'm leaving for vacation this week so yeah… My life is kinda crazy. I have two requests that I swear I'm working on, just wanted to post something! So, here's your filler chapter while I work on requests!**

T-He loves stealing Thor's poptarts

Thor hummed happily to himself as he walked into the kitchen and over to his Pop-tart Stash of Greatness, which wasn't really that great, but it was certainly a stash! As he opened the first cupboard door, a horrifying sight met his eyes. The cupboard was empty. Not a single box of the wrapped delicacy remained. Thor took a few deep breaths to calm himself and opened another cupboard. Empty. He opened cupboard after cupboard. All were empy.

Down below, on the streets of New York, people were looking up at the sky as clouds formed and thunder boomed. The day had been beautiful one minute and the next it looked like a thunderstorm was rolling in, which confused everyone greatly.

Back in the Avenger's Tower, Thor had a thunderous expression on his face. Whoever had eaten his precious breakfast pastries would face the Wrath of Odin. He turned to storm out the door when he ran into Tony.

"Man of Iron, I apologize. I did not know you were-" his words cut off with a choke. In Tony's hands was a box of Pop-tarts. The last box of Pop-tarts in the whole tower. A look of fear spread over Tony's face as Thor's face became consumed with rage and Mjölnir began to spark.

"I'll, um," he coughed, clearing his throat. "I'll just be running away now…"

**Ergh. I'm really not happy how this came out but whatever. I may change it later...**


	5. Letter O

**I really have noooo words to describe how sorry I am for not updating. For that, I'm gonna update twice! Yay! My life has been kinda hectic lately, with college applications and finals. Anyway, I give you letter O!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned the Avengers, would I be writing fanfics? Well, maybe… but that's not the point! I own a sonic screwdriver flashlight, a foam Mjölnir, and thats it of my fangirl stuff… oh, and a set of collectable Avengers figurines! :3 **

**Warning: Uh, well, erm, Steve kinda looses it...**

O-The thousands of oilclothslying around the common room, covered in Arc Reactor grossness

"I have no words for how gross this is," Natasha said, staring at oilcloth on the table next to the couch. One thing the Avengers had noticed when they moved into Stark's tower was he wasn't used to having people living with him. Which was soon very obvious. He had no respect for personal bubbles, nor for other's sleep patterns, since he pounded around the tower at 3 in the morning. He also left oilcloths covered in Arc Reactor goop all over the common room. Which was frankly disgusting. The last thing anyone wanted to see, or smell, while relaxing in the common room was Arc Reactor grossness (as Clint had dubbed it). So finally, after weeks of ignoring it, dropping hints, and glaring at said oilcloths (*cough*Clint!*cough*), someone finally broke down.

"Tony, this is disgusting! I have no words for how utterly f***ing disgusted I am! I've seen a lot of sh** in the army, but nothing, and I tell you NOTHING is as F***ING GROSS AS THAT!" Steve screamed, flinging his arm at the oilcloth, his face red. The others swore they saw smoke coming from his ears and nose.

Tony blinked in shock and confusion. "All you needed to do was ask, Steve, and I would've stopped…" Tony said, looking insulted, then walked away, collecting oilcloths in the process. The other Avengers followed his process with wide eyes, then turn to Steve.

"Anyone want to address the fact that Steve swore?" Clint asked. Natasha and Bruce shook their heads, while Thor just looked confused.

Fury, who had magically appeared in the doorway to brief the Avengers, quickly left after observing the exchange between Steve and Tony. He didn't want to know.

**Short and funny, I hope! Anyway, reviews keep me writing and fill me with fuzzy feelings and happiness! :D**


	6. Letter L

**Voilà! I said I would update twice tonight, so here I am! Updating! So, as requested by avidgamer2000, here's letter L! :)**

**Disclaimer: Please tell me you guys get the picture by now? I did not get the Avengers for my birthday. Sad, right? ;)**

L-He loves pissing off Loki

"This is your room," Tony said, ushering Loki into his new quarters. Fury and Odin (no one could figure out how Fury and Odin knew each other) had decided that the best punishment for Loki was to observe and help the creatures that he had tried to destroy. After much planning (and whining , Tony had finally came up with a brilliant room plan for Loki, with a little help from the Hulk (even though he didn't know it).

Loki blinked in surprise at the room. It was much nicer then his prison cell back on Asgard. This room was made of wood, and so was all the furniture. The walls were a deep green (whether this was a subtle threat about the Hulk or because green was Loki's favorite color, he didn't know) and the windows showed a view over the city. The only weird thing was in the middle of the room. Instead of a bed, there was a stone slab embedded in the floor.

"What is that?" Natasha asked, brow furrowing.

Tony grinned. "Go and see!" he crowed, very pleased with himself. The Avengers, plus Loki (who was curious in spite of himself), walked over to look. Steve resisted the urge to facepalm. The stone slab was an imprint of Loki's body, from when the Hulk had slammed him into the floor during the Battle For New York.

"You didn't," Bruce whispered, not sure if the Other Guy liked it or not.

Tony's grin got bigger. "Oh I did!" The slab was surrounded by a nice hardwood floor, and the imprint was filled with a mattress, perfectly fitting said imprint. The mattress was covered in Avengers sheets. "I looked for reindeer sheets, but it's the wrong season," Tony explained. "Well, we'll leave you to get settled!" he said, pushing the other Avengers out the door. Once they were gone, Loki glanced between the door, the "bed" and then door again. Slowly, he lay down inside the imprint. He'd never admit it, but it was kinda comfy… He glanced at the ceiling.

"Never speak a word of this to Stark," he growled.

"Yes, sir," came JARVIS's sarcastic reply. Loki settled back for his first decent sleep in a very long time.

**Well, this may not have been pissing Loki off, but instead some cute Loki fluff. I'm hoping I'll be able to put Loki into the other drabbles, If not, oh well! :) Reviewer's get slabs of Loki imprints with Avengers mattresses!**


	7. Letter N

**I'm actively trying to avoid studying for my chemistry final thats tomorrow, so I'm updating. Not that I wouldn't update for you lovely people. Anyway. Thanks for the amazing reviews! I'm so glad people like this and think it's funny! Thanks to Avengerscrazygal (guest) for her review! And if you're reading this, here's your stone Loki slab! :D This chapter is going to be less funny, though. I want to expand on the nightmares Tony has in Iron Man 3 (there will no spoilers for those who haven't seen it, and if there are, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry - Doctor Who reference….) anyway. Enjoy my Sky-is-avoiding-finals chapter! :3**

**Disclaimer: I do not, and never will, own the Avengers. Nope. Sadly, not happening.**

N-Nightmares still plague him every night

_He was falling. Falling so fast. He desperately tried to make the suit work, but the world stayed black in front of his gaze. _

_"JARVIS!" he yelled. Nothing. Silence filled his ears. He hit the ground, only to plunged into water, the world still dark around him. Water filled his nose, his mouth, his eyes, forcing its way down his throat. He thrashed, not wanting to die this way. A sharp pain filled his chest, though whether it was from the lack of oxygen or the magnet in his chest, he didn't know. His head was suddenly pulled from the water, and he gasped, forcing air into his water filled lungs, gasping and spluttering. _

_"Tony! Tony! Baby, wake up!" He had to be hallucinating. He could've sworn he heard his beloved Pepper's voice._

_"Tony! Tony, please! Bruce, Steve! Someone! He's not waking up!" Pepper… one of the greatest things that had happened in his life. Why had it taken him so long to see it? Suddenly, he felt the sting of a slap on his face._

Tony's eyes shot open. "Wha-?" he sputtered, brain confused and cheek stinging. Steve, Bruce and Pepper were standing above him. He could just make out the figures of the rest of the team, plus Loki, but why Loki cared was beyond him. "What's going on? Please tell me no one kissed me..." he asked, mind slowly clearing.

"You were having a nightmare and wouldn't wake up. I panicked, and called Bruce and Steve in. The rest of the team followed," Pepper said. "And no, no one kissed you, though I did slap you..." Tony could faintly see eyes rolling.

"Is the Man of Iron well?" Thor asked.

Tony groaned, pushing away the memories of the dream. "Yes, Thor. The "Man of Iron" is fine! You guys are way too overprotective!" he said, then flung the covers off.

"And where are you going?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Science!" Tony called over his shoulder. Pepper groaned, then went back to bed as the Avengers dispersed. Clint and Natasha were just reaching for the air vent cover when Tony's voice echoed from the hallway. "Legolas! Natalie! Away from my air vents!" The two spies ignored him, pulling themselves into the vent. They had barely gone five inches before several pings sounded. A few seconds later, they emerged, covered in patches of neon pink paint.

"STARK!" Natasha bellowed, taking off down the hall. Clint examined himself.

"You know, pink isn't that bad of a color…" he murmured, twisting and turning his body to examine the color against his skin color. He paused when he caught Pepper's look. "Er, right. I'll let you sleep," he said, easing the door shut. Pepper sighed and shook her head. Things were definitely more interesting now that the Avengers were living with them…

(ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC)

Tony dragged a hand down his face. He hadn't slept in days. It was two weeks since he had woken to see the entire team crowded around his bed. Twice he had tried to sleep, but to no avail. The same dream haunted him every night. So, he'd given up sleep, spending his time inventing instead. By now, he had no idea what he was making. He knew he looked hell. His face was dirty from many experiments blowing up in his face and he had deep bags under his eyes. Bruce had given up trying to work with him, and all the Avengers had ventured down to try and get him to sleep, either separately or in groups. After a week, they gave up.

"Stark," a voice said behind him. Tony jumped and turned to see Loki.

He sighed. "What do you want, Loki?"

Loki bit back a frown. It was bad sign when Tony wasn't calling him by one of Loki's nicknames. "How long has it been since you slept?" he asked, trying to keep worry from his voice. He didn't even know why he even cared. But ever since coming to living with the Avengers, he didn't feel so bitter and alone anymore.

Tony sighed, too tired to fight anymore. "Too long," he muttered, holding his head in his hands. "Every time I close my eyes, all I can remember is New York, falling through the wormhole and not being able to stop falling. Then, I'm back in the cave, being drowned slowly. I can't take it anymore!"

Loki was shocked. He had no idea what Stark had gone through. He always seemed so happy and upbeat. But now, it was obvious he too had a mask he hid behind. "I know how you feel," Loki said softly. Tony jerked his head up, blinking as his head swam from the sudden moment.

"Really?"

Loki nodded, then hesitated. He had never told anyone about the nightmares that plagued his dreams. "When I close my eyes, I dream of my family abandoning me. I thought for the longest time that they hated me. And my hate got people killed. I still see that man, Coulson, as he died. And all those people… All dead because of me." Tony was silent for a moment, then pulled Loki into a hug. Loki was surprised, then relaxed into it.

"Thank you," Tony murmured, then pulled away. "Sleep sounds amazing right now," he said. He started towards the door, paused, then grabbed Loki's hand. "Come on," he said, pulling him along.

"What?" Loki asked, confused.

"I figure two people with nightmares will cancel the nightmares out. This could be my sleep deprived brain talking, but it's worth a shot," Tony said.

"Uh-" Loki blushed. Him, sleeping with another man? In the same bed? Not happening!

"Not like that!" Tony said, rolling his eyes. "God, and people say _I _have a dirty mind…" he muttered. They reached Tony and Pepper's bedroom. JARVIS darkened the windows, and the two slid into the bed, Loki still feeling awkward and nervous. Despite his nerves (and the fact the bed didn't fit his body perfectly*), he dropped off quickly. Tony also dropped over quickly. Their sleep was deep and dreamless. It was the best sleep the two had in months.

(ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC)

Pepper cracked the door open. JARVIS had informed her of the situation, and though she felt a stab of jealousy that Loki was able to get Tony to sleep, she was grateful that Tony was actually getting sleep. The sight of the two sleeping was endearing, and satisfied her need to confirm that both were fast asleep. Though she originally had mixed feelings about Loki living with the Avengers, over the months he turned into a totally different person. And this, this set the last piece in place. Loki was here to stay.

***In Chapter L, Tony gave Loki a bed that was made from the imprint of Loki when the Hulk smashed the "puny god".**

**Wow. This was a lot longer then I thought it was going to be… Reminder to people who don't remember: Natalie was Natasha's name when she was undercover during Iron Man 2. I hope you all enjoyed the Tony/Loki fluff. Reviewers get one of Tony's failed experiments! :)**


	8. Letter Z

**I've gotten many reviews from terrified reviewers that this is going to turn into a FrostIron fic. IT'S NOT! For those who want it to be, too bad. Anyway. This is really overdue, but I lost my laptop on the last day of school (high schoolers in Maine get laptops) and the only other computer is my mom's laptop which my brother steals to play his stupid games. He's at a friend's house today, and my mom's at work, so here I am! Updating! YAY! I'm going to try to update a few times before I head off to camp for a month on July 7th. So there will be another time of no updates, for which I apologize. Anyway. I have some really good news, but I'll save it for the end author's note since this is getting long…..**

**This was requested a REALLY long time ago, back at the beginning of the fic by Avengerscrazygal (You really need to get an account so we can talk, you sound super cool and make my days soo much better with your reviews! :3)… Anyway. Wow, this was a really long AN…. Sorry. ON TO THE MADNESS!**

**Disclaimer: Sky no own Avengers. Sky sad.**

Z-That one disastrous trip to the zoo…

In hindsight, it was all Steve's fault. Really, everything disastrous that resulted from Steve's forced "team bonding" was Steve's fault. The day had dawned bright and clear, the type of day that made Tony want to bury himself under the sheets again and never come out. Which, of course, didn't happen, thanks to a certain super-soldier who decided to literally _drag_ Tony (who complained the whole time) out of bed and into the kitchen. Once in the kitchen, Tony glanced over at Pepper, who just shrugged and handed him the coffee pot. One by one, the other members of the team were dragged into the kitchen (Clint had to be forcefully removed from the air vents), all still in their pajamas and most clutching blankets. Once they were all assembled, Steve stood in the middle of the kitchen, placed his hands on his hips, and surveyed his team. The only one not huddled in a blanket was Loki and Pepper. He sighed.

"Right. Today is going to consist of team bonding! Fury gave us several options and- STARK! Get back here!" Tony pouted, and returned to his spot. "Anyway. After reviewing our options, I have decided that the one that will least result in utter disaster would be visiting the zoo." Tony groaned and banged his head against the nearest counter. Clint looked scarily excited, Natasha and Bruce rolled their eyes, Loki looked amused and Thor looked confused.

"What is a zoo?" he asked.

Loki sighed. "It's an establishment where Midgardians keep a collection of wild animals for study, conservation, or display to the public."

The others stared at him.

"Loki's a human dictionary. Oookay…" Tony said.

Steve stifled a groan. "Anyway. Get dressed, everyone! We leave in half-an-hour!" he announced, clapping his hands. "Avengers, disassemble!"

"No breakfast?" Tony whined.

Steve sighed. "Fine. We leave in _one_ hour!"

_~Captain Rogers, I would like to remind you that it's 6 o'clock in the morning. The Central Park Zoo, which I am assuming is the zoo of your choice, does not open until 10 o'clock~_ JARVIS said. Tony snickered as he slowly crept back to bed.

Steve growled. "Fine. I'll wake you in three hours." Sighs of relief sounded as blanket-clad Avengers made their way back to bed.

(ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC) (ABC)(ABC)(ABC)

Four and a half hours later, the Avengers were assembled in the garage below Stark Tower.

"I'm driving!" Tony called, flipping the keys from hand to hand.

"Nah. You drive like girl! Ow, Tasha! I'm driving!" Clint said, snatching the keys from midair, Tony protesting with a "Hey!" Bruce was silently sitting against a wall, breathing deeply, trying to calm himself.

"I think we all want to survive the journey, Merida!" Tony snapped back.

Steve pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm driving!" he announced, grabbing the keys, ignoring the shouts of protest. Grumbling, the rest of the team climbed into the large van, which resulted in fighting over who got the window seats. In the end, Bruce was riding shot gun (no one wanted an angry Bruce), Clint, Tony and Natasha were in the middle row with Clint sitting, pouting, in the middle. The back consisted of Thor and Loki, Thor taking up two seats with his bulk. After everyone was settled, Natasha brought up an important point.

"Uh, Steve? Can you even drive?" The van turned deathly silent.

Steve gritted his teeth and ignored the question, placing the key in the ignition and turning it. The van started with a rumble. Glancing at the console, he tried to shift the handle into the R position. It wouldn't move.

"Press down on the brake," Bruce said. Steve nodded his thanks, pressed down on the brake and moved the handle. It slid smoothly into place. Steve glanced into the rearview mirror, and slowly removed his foot from the brake. The van started backwards.

"CAR!" Loki suddenly shouted. Steve slammed the brakes on, causing everyone to jolt. "Oops, never mind. Trick of the light," Loki said, grinning. Steve said nothing, and continued to back out of the space. They made it out of the garage and onto the street without incident, but just as Steve was thinking how easy driving was, a brown shape flew out in front of the car. Steve slammed the brakes on, eyes wide. A small boy was running through the street, narrowly avoiding getting hit. Tony patted Steve's shoulder.

"Welcome to New York!" he said, grinning. Horns sounded behind the van, so Steve slowly let up on the brake, shaking slightly. By the time they reached the zoo, Steve was as white as a sheet, almost falling to his knees after he pitched himself out of the van. Tony exited the van and stretched. "Well, that was fun!" he said, smiling. Clint ran towards the zoo.

"Come on, guys!" he said, jumping up and down with excitement.

"I wonder about that guy sometimes," Natasha muttered, following her partner, the rest of the team following. After getting their tickets, they entered the zoo.

"So, where to first?" Steve asked, looking at a map.

"Birds!" Clint said, grinning. "Come on, Tash! Birds!" He grabbed her hand and pulled her off in a random direction.

"Hey, birdbrain! Birds are that way!" Tony called.

"I knew that!" Clint called back, switching direction.

"I believe I will go and observe the zebras," Loki said, wandering off. He got several strange looks as he paraded past in his Asgardian armor. Thor's eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no, not again!" he said, then ran after Loki. "Brother! Stay away from the horses!"

"We're going to look at the lions," Tony said, grabbing Bruce's hand.

"Tony-"

"Hush, Bruce! Think science!"

"That makes no sense," Bruce muttered as he was pulled away. Steve began to protest, then sighed.

"I give up!" he said, sitting down on a nearby bench and putting his head in his hands. After a few moments of self-pity, he stood and squared his shoulders. He was going to enjoy himself, no matter what his teammates did! He set off in a random direction, happy to go wherever his feet took him. Half an hour later, while he was examining a dart poison frog, a security guard came up to him.

"Excuse me, sir, but are these two with you?" he asked, pushing a pissed off Natasha and a very happy Clint forward.

Steve nodded warily.

"Well, this one here," he shook Clint's shoulder, "was getting the birds very upset with his, erm, _birdcalls_."

"Birdcalls?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes. He was also using profanity, which we cannot allow in a zoo. The children, sir. I'm sure you understand."

Steve nodded. "I understand, officer. These two will be safe with me," he said. The guard nodded, gave Clint and Natasha one last glare, and left. Steve sighed. "I'm not even going to ask," he said, then turned back to his frog.

"Whatcha lookin' at?" Clint asked, peering over his shoulder.

"Dart Poison Frog," he replied.

"Poison?" Natasha asked, eyes lighting up. Steve was about to reply when another security guard came up to him.

"Are you Captain Steve Rogers?" he asked.

"Yes."

"I have two men who claim to be with you. A Loki and Thor?" he asked, obviously confused.

Steve resisted the urge to deny the fact. "Yes, they're with me. What happened?"

"One of them, Loki, was attempting to climb into the pen with the zebras, while the other attempted to climb after him."

_I will not murder Loki. I will not murder Loki, _Steve chanted to himself in his mind. "Right. May I see them?"

The guard nodded, then motioned for him to follow. Steve followed, grabbing Natasha and Clint before they could escape. Before they could reach the security office, however, screams pierced the air. People began streaming towards the entrance of the zoo. The guard's radio crackled to life.

"We have several lions loose in the zoo! All guards please escort the guests out!" Steve exchanged a glance with Natasha.

"Didn't Tony and Bruce go see the lions?" Steve whispered. Natasha nodded. The guard looked at the trio, seemingly troubled.

"Uh, I have to go help with this, ok?" he asked.

Clint replied before Steve got a chance. "We can find our way from here," he said. The guard nodded and rushed off the help a group of school kids. Clint grabbed Steve and Natasha and was about drag them off when Bruce and Tony appeared next to them.

"Please tell me you had nothing to do with this," Natasha said.

"It was all Tony's fault," Bruce said. Tony shot his science bro a glare and was about to reply when a load roar sounded. The group froze and slowly turned. A large male lion stood 50 feet behind them.

The group gulped.

"Run," Tony whispered. They ran, which, in hindsight, wasn't the best idea, since lions chase their prey. The tabloids ate up this fact, headlines the next morning advertising that "The Avengers Are No Match For Lions!"

Later That Evening:

The Avengers had regrouped in the Tower, tending to their wounds. Silence reigned for once, until Steve noticed something very important.

"Where are Thor and Loki?"

**Wow. Another long one. Hope you all enjoyed it! :) Anyway. My important news! I'm starting a lease on a horse in August! I've never leased before and my parents almost didn't let me, but now they are! It's only for a month, but it may be longer if my parents are happy with how it goes. So anyway. Review, and I promise the next chapter won't take so long! Oh, and the "birdcall" that Clint was doing was "Caw Caw Mother F***ers!" just to let everyone know...**


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